your ways are higher than my ways...

over the years, in small glimpses, there has been a deep ache that has rarely been satisfied but only stifled. usually i claim that this ache is due to a lack of deep relationships, a longing for a new location, a new job, a different me. it is slowly dawning on me like the sun rises, always consistently, always daily, that this deep ache is familiar. i have thought that this ache is one that is custom to me; it is my ache. personal. it fits me. that whenever something is lacking the ache is an alarm that goes off in my mind that something is missing, and so i strive to ponder and reflect on what it is that needs change. rather than wondering if the ache is for a single thing, i have always thought the ache just categorized all my longings and warned me of the current one that wasn't being met. i believe i am coming to realize that the consistency and familiarity of this ache is because i am longing for something much more that will never be met this lifetime. and realizing that a desire i have will never be met now, only later, is almost worse than realizing i'm just missing something that might appear in a day, month or year. i see in front of me three options - to write this ache off as lesser desires, those that could be filled in this lifetime and to wait patiently for their fulfillment, to forget that this ache is even there and to bury it so deep that i deaden my emotions to suffocate the pain, or to allow this unmet desire to remain and deepen and increase the ache and the pain that results from having an unmet desire. to choose the first two options would be to turn a blind eye to my new knowledge. so i am faced with accepting a desire that will never be met in the timing i would hope. cringing, i realize that there will always be a longing, an unfulfilled desire. and as i sit like friends with this agony in my heart, wondering why there is this ache, i begin to see that this ache is simply showing me the consistency of something that exists - its habitual presence declares, or rather screams, that there exists something so magnificent it is worth waiting for. i do believe, and hope, that one day i will be reunited with the One who beckons me through this ache and keeps me emotionally alive by deepening and penetrating his voice into my despair.

The Weather Outside...

Currently I am lying in my bed, around 5pm, and its snowing outside my window... Colorado potentially will shower us with a white Christmas! I'm keeping my fingers crossed.

So far my time home has been wonderful. I have gotten to see a handful of friends and have spent time with my family (shout out!). We went and picked up Stacia at the airport the other night at midnight and then went as a family out to IHOP afterward - 1 in the morning - that is one to go down in the books.

I will be attending my dear friend Philip's wedding tomorrow! I hope the weather does become a little bit better for travel purposes.

Right when I flew home I went and helped out at the EDGE Preview at Glen Eyrie. It was 3 days of meeting with juniors/seniors in college and asking them more about their post-college plans, explaining to them what I have been up to this year, and informing them more about EDGE Corps. It was such a good reminder of why I am a part of this organization - their heart for people is incredible!

I also have been running around with my sisters trying to find a dress I can wear for a couple weddings I have coming up...Stacia and I found some dresses that we did NOT purchase - however they reminded us of neapolitan ice cream and gum balls.



I hope you all have a wonderful Christmas!!!

For to us a child is born...

Co Co Here I Come!

Here I am again, sitting at my kitchen table, reflecting on the day.

This time next week I'll be sleeping in my home in the Springs...AHHHHH!

I still can't believe the semester is already basically over - time is FLYING by. I should head to bed. It's past my bedtime.

Goodnight to all.